Society has a lot of rules, regulations, and expectations for how you ‘should’ behave. Don’t be rude. Be demure. Be a good student. Go to college. Be skinny but not too skinny. Work at a good company. Get engaged. Get married. Have children. Buy a house. Have even more kids. Get a second car. Get along with everyone, etc.
The list is endless. Those unmet expectations can introduce a lot of stress into a person’s life. The reality is that you don’t have to meet any of those expectations. You’re free to live your life however you want and to find your path despite what you’re pressured to do. In short, live as authentically as you can. The members of the popular AskWomen online community revealed the things that they love about themselves that society thinks are ‘inappropriate.’ Scroll down for their stories.
#1
That I love being alone, in my own company. I do have a handful of close friends, but I prefer my own company above all others. I never get lonely and I never get bored. I don’t understand someone who wants to be around another person 24-7 like in a marriage. I lived with someone for 8 years when I was in my 20’s and NEVER EVER again. I’ve had relationships here and there over the years but am never looking to be in one. This seems to baffle so many people.
#2
Lack of desire to become a mother.
#3
I love having sex, I loved sleeping around when I was single, I am super sexually liberated and I have no
shame about it.
The way that specific cultures view femininity and masculinity affects life in a myriad of ways. For example, it can also influence the types of extracurricular activities (like sports) that people feel pressured to embrace or avoid. Some attitudes are hard to shake.
But something to keep in mind is that these attitudes vary from society to society. What’s ‘weird’ in one geographic area can be perfectly acceptable elsewhere.
A 2017 study found that the choice of sports still corresponds to sports traditionally associated with men or women. That being said, these activities also coexist with other ‘neutral’ sports. Typically, girls’ sports practice was more diverse than boys’, who were more resistant to embracing female activities.
#4
So many times I’ve been told I won’t get married if I don’t change the way I speak or live. People would say things like, ‘Men don’t like women with careers,’ or ‘You’re too independent.’
Well, I’m still not married, and I absolutely love it. I get to do everything I want, and I’m completely in love
with myself. 🥰
#5
Being childfree and happy.
#6
Being confrontational. It’s not that I go out and look to have a fight, but I will speak up about annoying behaviour when others are too afraid to do so. I’ve been called quite a few b-words because of it, but I
don’t care.
As per the researchers from the University of Vigo, the University of Leon, and the University of A Coruña, a person’s gender is still the most defining factor when it comes to sports. Generally, feminine extracurricular activities are associated with rhythm, expression, and dancing. Swimming was also found to be more feminine, as was walking.
According to research, stereotypically, masculine sports were associated with more danger, risk, violence, speed, strength, endurance, challenge, and team spirit.
However, there were some cultural exceptions. For instance, in Portugal, football was one of the most practiced sports among girls, though in Spain, football was associated with activities that boys focus on.
“Likewise, sports practiced by girls in other European contexts did not feature so noticeable rhythmic-expressive characteristics,” the researchers noted.
#7
I have zero interest in sex, romantic relationships, or children. I keep getting told I’ll change my mind or I’m a naive young person but I don’t care.
#8
Having a “high body count.” I enjoyed myself a lot in my 20s and have zero regrets. I went on lots of dates, met a lot of interesting people, learned a lot about people, had a lot of fun, and tried out everything I wanted to try. I feel calm in my 30s knowing that my sexual curiosities were fulfilled.
#9
This might sound kind of shallow but my height and flat chest! I was insecure about it for the longest time because people always say that women who are tall and/or have no chest are “just men” but more recently I’ve started to love it! I’m a runner and do cross country and track and field for my college and my body is so functional for my sport!
#10
I’m not nice. I’m kind, and thoughtful. But I am not nice, and I love that for me. I think more women should try not being so damn nice to everyone all the time.
I say NO often, and often with no explanation or context….because sometimes a NO is just that.
#11
Not wanting kids or having any maternal instincts. I may have the required parts to give birth, that doesn’t mean I want to or that I should.
#12
People are starting to get a little worried that I’m now in my thirties, unmarried, and have no kids.
I have spent 31 years of my life doing what I want, when I want, how I want. I’m comfortable financially. I’m happy. I have a wonderful group of friends.
I don’t really want a spouse. S**t, now that I’m in my thirties and my libido’s calmed the hell down I don’t even want to date anymore. I’m a very happy auntie just living my best life
#13
Menswear. I love a good 3 piece suit; I look so hot!
#14
Woodworking, doing (minor) work on appliances/cars, using power tools, etc.
I have been building furniture and fixing up random things here and there around the house. When people ask what I have been up to, what my hobbies are, etc, and I tell them, at least half of the responses I get are “ugh, why don’t you let your husband do that?”
The simple answer is this: because people still ask me that.
I also love baking, sewing, and s**t like that, but those are things I feel pressure/obligation to be good at. Building/fixing s**t is a task that I am not *expected* to be able to do, and excelling at it (or even just managing it at all) makes my dopamine go bzzzzzzt. It’s a thrill, not a chore.
#15
Being ecstatic at the idea I may possibly never marry and will end up in an apartment full of cats and
dogs.
#16
I don’t smile a lot. It’s just exhausting. Even at work. I’ll occasionally flash a smile to customers and just people in general that I have a favorable attitude towards, but for the most part, straight-faced and just trying to get through the day. My voice is also a little lower naturally and I don’t make an effort as much anymore to speak in a super cheery, high-pitched voice.
On top of that, I’m not very fond of men and I’d be completely fine with never having a partner. I love my independence and alone time a lot.
#17
In my 30s I decided to start lifting weights. Then I started competing in powerlifting competitions. I had the time of my life! And the confidence boost was so addicting. I’d think to myself, “wait, I just squatted 396lbs in front of an audience and I don’t think I can apply for this job? Get outta here!”
Also – having very visible tattoos, being child free (and surgically making sure of that), owning a home by myself (I’m on my 3rd one), owning my 2nd pitbull, not being overtly feminine, cursing a lot, etc.
#18
Learning stuff that society only expects men to do, for example, changing a flat tire or fixing what’s broken…because I realized how essential these tasks were for any individual alongside being able to cook and to take good care of myself.
#19
Man spreading. Like, it’s just a comfortable way to sit
#20
Being a lesbian, having tattoos, being masculine, not caring for men’s opinions or wanting to be with men or ever needing them, fishing, hiking, hunting, camping, driving fast cars, long boarding, landscaping, mechanics, working with tools, fixing my own s**t and wanting to disable the patriarchy
#21
Being direct in the workplace. I don’t always say good morning, how was your weekend, sorry to bother you, blah blah – I just ask my question plainly or speak up whenever I feel like something needs to be said, especially when everyone is thinking something but no one has the balls [pun intended] to say it. People may not always like it but I know damn sure they respect it.
I’m like this in my personal life, too. I just say the damn thing or ask for what I want to know so there is no ambiguity. I have no patience for passive-aggressive behavior, it causes so many problems in relationships (familial or otherwise).
No one every has to wonder where they stand with me. Confrontation doesn’t bother me and it doesn’t have to be contentious – it’s just the most open, direct, effective way of dealing with an issue.
#22
Having visible muscles, I do.
#23
Not shaving my legs for months at a time, specially during winter, I couldn’t care less!
#24
I have a deep voice. Which I adore, but it’s definitly not something society wishes for in a woman.
#25
I love that I’m happy doing nothing at home.
Not sure if this is a women thing but I hate feeling pressured to go out and socialize
#26
I like being tall, 5’11”. I look like a super model mixed with an Amazon.
#27
I’m a very direct and assertive woman. Growing up I was told that it wasn’t ladylike and that I needed to tone it down. I’m no longer that little girl but a direct and assertive woman. It’s served me well my whole life and I’m happy I never listened to those comments.
#28
Being ambitious, being in charge of the finances. Not scared to take risks.
#29
I love my kids but I don’t like kids in general. Also don’t like “mommy”
Culture
#30
Having b**bs bigger than D.
People both men and women will assume you’re a sl*t or loose because your body decide to develop more than the norm.
If Breast size was correlated with how much sex you had; wouldn’t p*rn star be attached to wheel barrel to wheel their “sex counter” around. Oddly enough, many of the popular ones are in the small size or get breast implants around a D cup.
Proving that breast size has no relation to sexually activity.
Breast are marks of women hood, motherhood, sexual maturity and fertility.
It’s insane that modern society now deem larger breast as obscene or “too much” when they were celebrate on the past to be able to feed one child or other children who lose their mothers to young.
No one has a choice in their breast size and there very little correlation between weight and breast tissue. There are women who fit in Xsmall where size 32F bras, and women wearing size 24 with 42B bra.
The biggest thing that changes with weight lost/gain is the band size. The cup size might shrinks if you had some fat around the breast tissue.
#31
I’m plus size and always have been. My whole life I’ve received messaging from media and fashion and advertising and certain social circles that “fat” is one of the worst things a woman can possibly be. It’s unfeminine, it’s grotesque, it’s unattractive, it’s ugly.
But truth be told, I absolutely adore my curvy body. I think it’s the epitome of femininity and abundance and sex appeal and beauty. When I was around 17, I said “f**k it” and actually started *living* that way. And ya know what? I found that the vast majority of people I encountered viewed my body the same way I did. I’ve had numerous lovers over the years (many of whom have been very conventionally attractive) who treat me like a queen and can’t get enough of my body. I’ve found friends who don’t buy into diet culture and who admire my beauty for exactly what it is. I can be fashionable and trendy and cute just like anybody else. People don’t laugh at me or judge me for living my life like movies and advertisements always told me they would. Sure, fatphobia exists, but in my experience, the vast majority of the time it’s a media/Internet thing, not a real life thing. Usually fatphobia comes from a place of somebody either trying to sell you something, or projecting their own personal insecurities onto you. I’m so comfortable in my own skin and people admire that about me. They’re drawn to me *because* of my love for my plus size body, not in spite of it.
#32
Being child-free, unmarried, and loving it. I don’t center men in my life if I don’t have to. I enjoy a lot of activities alone: hiking, surfing, swimming in wild water, going to concerts, going out, etc. I dress for myself rather than for the male gaze. Perhaps the most “inappropriate” thing about me is that I stopped living for the validation and approval of others, and I’m thrilled with my life.
#33
Not coddling men. Sorry if you got upset but I’m not going to entertain your dismissive behavior toward me and make excuses for it. You’re an adult and you can pick up the phone if you really care.
#34
Having a high sex drive.
#35
Being direct, having great physical strength, and not kowtowing to men.
Men in particular tend to hate all three of these things, but I love these things about myself. It also makes for fantastic douchebag radar.
#36
I dont care what society thinks about anything.
#37
Not wearing a bra in public
#38
As a tattooed woman, I honestly didn’t realize how many men find them so unattractive on women. I don’t surround myself with Judgmental Judy’s either though.
#39
Appreciating the value of my physical strength.
For example, I’m more than happy to exert strength in opening up a jar of pickles (and being proud of myself for getting it done!). I’m not the type that will quickly ask a man to open it for me.
#40
Following dreams over money.
Now, in general, society likes to pretend that it wholeheartedly supports people to follow their dreams, but in my experience, every time I’ve mentioned I willingly take a pay cut to do things for a non-profit where I could be making double in a corporate world, or they see how much stuff I do voluntarily for absolutely nothing, I get some kind of lecture about how I’m going to want more financial stability in the future.
I love that I’m a caring person who thinks about the impact of my work, and that I’m not just a cog in a machine working for a paycheque. Sure, I would love more money, but I cannot and will not ever compromise my enjoyment and feeling like what I do matters for a few more dollars.
